Decía, me dan miedo muchas cosas y las enfrento con lo que tengo a mano. Tengo el huevo izquierdo casi violeta por la cantidad de veces diarias que me lo estrujo con la mano derecha ante una eventual situación negativa. En un tiempo me va a empezar a dar miedo tener un desgarro testicular y no sé cómo voy a neutralizarlo.
Tengo miedo de que se me caigan las llaves del auto por el hueco de un ascensor las ranuras de un bocacalle.
Tengo miedo de ir a un baño público y que me quede un manchón caquil en la parte trasera del pantalón sin que me dé cuenta, y que todo el mundo lo vea y se ría en voz baja pero no me lo diga. Y que justo pase Evangeline Lilly (Kate en Lost) diciendo "he decididou tener sexou con un arshentain coloradou, ¿sabe dónde encontrar coloradou?", me vea y, cuando esté por cumplir su sueño (porque es el sueño de ella, para mí es una gilada más), descubra mi pantalón cagado y se vaya a encerrar en el Faena Hotel a comer tostadas con Nutella.
Tengo miedo de que un día me guste el reggaetón.
Tengo miedo, pánico, de lastimarme de tal modo que no pueda jugar más al fóbal dos veces por semana.
Tengo miedo que mis compañeros de fútbol lean esto y planeen lastimarme jodidamente para librarse de mis repetidas y lamentables actuaciones.
Tengo miedo de los comerciales de Coca Cola. No sé, me dan miedo.
Pero, sobre todo, tengo miedo de descubrirme a mí mismo en una discusión política cualquiera y escucharme diciendo algo tipo "viejo, al final Majul tiene razón". Ese día me unto la cara con mermelada de frambuesa, me compro doce mil abejas y me hago picar hasta morir.
Hasta ese día, nada es tan terrible como para asustar. Y de última me toco el huevo.
"Tener pantalón cagadou, ¿entiendes? Cagadou.
La vida ser una mierdau."
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